The Worst of 2010

I was thumbing through the 2010 bridal collections and looking for divine inspiration for....something. I'm not sure what. Maybe I was just ogling the best of Zac Posen and Vera.

*le sigh*

At any rate, I found myself aghast at all that is hideous in the bridal world. Now, I get couture, I really do. I am a huge fan of the detail and workmanship that goes into and and I understand why it's so expensive. What I don't understand is why designers would choose to adorn the human body in a way that is so unattractive is beyond me. Beauty may be in the eye of the holder, but this is my blog and I say what's ugly around here.

Hi, Slut! Is that a whip in her hand? Just curious.

Lady GaGa meets Maddona circa Like A Virgin meets a small bag of sheer material.

Clearly, she pissed about something.

"This is ground control to Major Tom..."

*****
I'm speechless. I can't even come up with a snarky remark. It's that bad.

But what about the bridesmaids? Oh, we've got those too.

She's the MOH. The maids are hiding in her skirt.

Merry Christmas!

Any bride who makes another woman wear a dress like this needs to have the ever-loving crap beat out of her.

So you know, I just thought I share some fashion faux pas with you. I'm not going to share the designers names with you simply because I would hate to promote The Ugly in any way, shape or form. However, all the pics are from here. It's not the photographers fault they had to shoot dresses that look like a bag of assholes*.

*Slang cred to Marizzle. Word.

Fall 2010 - Already?

I mean, damn. Already? Like Christmas has already hit retail and it's a nano-second after Halloween. I'm working on June 2010 (like, we are so behind schedule) and fashion has just cranked out Fall 2010. Nice. I was pondering and perusing the runway fashions and have decided to share my favorites. In no particular order.

Yummy Zac Posen! This makes me wish I'd gotten married in January, but only for like a second.

Angel Sanchez. Let's take the giant flowers out of our hair and put them on the dress. Much better.

This is from the BCBG Maz Azaria Cruise Collection, but I think it's a beach wedding gown - for sure!

Oh, hello....and a gorgeous farewell on the backside of this stunning Christos gown. 

I am dying over the gobs and gobs of pearls. A million times yes. Thank you, Douglas Hannant. 

This is the one aspect that I wished I'd had - a little something peeking out. Gorgeousness by Farah Angsana.

Lace by Jim Hjelm.

Lovely, lovely layers by Junko Yoshioka.

This totally reminds me of the amazing St. Pucchi gown I tried on. Alas, this little number is all Monique. You know, Ms. Lhuillier.

The latest from Vera Wang. She just nails it every damn time.

Who is your favorite designer? Me? I just la-la-love St. Pucchi. He's got this weird sort of Thierry Mugler sort of vibe so him.Not that I would wear any of his dresses, I just really appreciate the artistry behind them. I did try this one on and was in heaven until I looked at the price tag.

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And just so you know, I'm compiling some budget stuff to go over for the venue, so hold onto your wallets, I'll be back to the budgets ASAP!

Bubbies

OK, so after the ladies and I finished the OOT bags, we headed out shopping. I needed a rehearsal ensemble and just a girl's day out at The Mall. Y'know what I mean? Some days, a girl just has to shop. And shop we did. I did find a rehearsal ensemble and I'll get into that later, but what I'm going to share now is really important. Really.

CLEAVAGE

Now, I think I might have mentioned a time or two before that I just don't have a large set of twins on my body. God is fair. He made me tall and somewhat lean. I have a bit of a booty. He doesn't give it all to everyone unless He wreaks havoc on the rest of your life (Britney Spears, for example). I'm happy with what I've got and with the fact that I have had very little wrath rained down upon me. Thankfully, I can buy lots of things to help matters in the cleavage department when I need to.

At my first official dress fitting, it was clear that additions were to be made. We had to take the sides in, the front in and add C-cup pads to get the dress to even remotely fit in the boobs. Please note Exhibit A below. I cut off my head because the picture is horrrrrrrrid, but you can clearly see the boob issues. To emphasize what isn't emphasized in my dress, in this photo I am wearing TWO (yes, TWO) B-cup pads. The sides had been pinned and nothing was done to the front.


Please note the gaping holes in the dress where boob should be. We thought that adding the C-cup pads (since I was wearing 2 B's in this shot) would be plenty. Nope. That is simply not the case. At my last fitting, the seamstress had pulled the front cross-over portion in to tighten the gap. It fit better, but there was still, um...space. She went and got one of those small pad insert things and I put those in. The twins popped right up into place and it looked like I had massive, amazing cleavage. Sweet.

So I knew I'd have to buy some of those pad thingies. I looked around on-line, but really wasn't happy with what I saw, nor did I really understand what I saw. I knew it was going to have to be a touchie-feelie sort of thing. So, while we were out shopping, we popped into some random lingerie shops. I hate over-paying for anything at Victoria's Secret, so we hit Aerie, the lingerie store from America Eagle. Jackpot! I found exactly what I was looking for: chicken cutlets!

Yes, chicken cutlets. That's what they totally look like. I mean, look at them! One might be tempted to bread those suckers up and fry them in some oil.

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The top cutlets are the smaller inserts called "Show Off A Little." The larger ones are called "Show Off A Lot." I bought both since I'm not sure which one will look best. They said I could return the one I didn't need, so that's cool. The smaller cutlets were $14.50 and the larger cutlets were $29.50. We'll see which one works breast. I mean, best. Oh, I crack myself up.

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Just as a quickie update: we only have one outstanding RSVP now (Oh Hags, please just call me back for goodness sake!). Well, technically four including the last minute invitations that went out today to my mom's cousin, her husband (both of whom I've met once) and my great aunt (who actually rocks). I think perhaps I will discuss this last minute invite topic at a later date.

The cops found The Candyman's truck in a parking lot less than 5 miles from our house. Nothing seems to be wrong with it, so that's good.

I had a gigantic WPM night before last, but I think The Candyman did too. I think it was more of just a meltdown in general. I cannot wait to be married on our honeymoon! 18 more days!!!!!!!

Aaaaaahhhhh.....the weekend.

Man, after the emotional roller coaster of last week, I really needed some down time this weekend. While I can't say I got a lot of "lay on the couch and watch back to back episodes of Top Chef" time, I was able to totally re-group.

The Candyman had a speaking engagement on Saturday with a volunteer group he's associated with, so he left the house rather early. I proceeded to clean the shit out of the house. Seriously. I was doing baseboards, scrubbing behind the toilets - that kind of cleaning. I finished about an hour before The Candman got home and I was able to relax with a glass of wine in my shiny, clean house. I don't know what it is about a spotless house that makes me happy, but it just does. I actually feel prettier and thinner in a clean house than I do in a cluttered one. How weird is that?

I did do some wedding stuff this weekend. I had my final dress fitting on Friday afternoon. The dress looks stunning. I didn't want to take it off! I just kept wandering round the bridal shop in it. It was cool because a woman and her mother were paying for the exact dress I bought when I was trying the final dress on! Dress twins! I had the seamstress snap a shot of the back. Love it!


The simplicity of this just makes me so happy. I have no idea why. When I was in high school, I remember seeing a picture of a wedding gown that had really long back straps like this. I remember thinking then, "I want my wedding dress to look like that." I totally didn't even remember that thought until I saw this picture and it all came rushing back to me! Serendipity? Fate? Chance? Luck? I'm not sure, but it makes me happy.

Here's the sad/funny part about my dress. We took the sides of the chest in. We added C-cup pads. We took in the front section of the dress. Guess what? The damn thing still gaps in the front just a bit. The seamstress was at a loss and to be honest, I don't think there is anything else she can do. I asked her to go grab another set of demi-cups and voila, problem solved. So, I need to get myself an extra set of pads to slip into the dress to hike up my teeny-tiny boobettes to fill out the front of the dress. What's funny is with the C-cup pads and with the addition of the demi's, my tits look great! Seriously, I look stacked. Liza, eat your heart out! (Little inside joke. She'll get it.)

I also finished up the hair toys for me and my MOH as well as started working on the match boxes. Yes, I know I said I wasn't going to be them, but I didn't feel like working on the favors, so match boxes it was. It was actually kind of fun, so I was happy to do them while watching mindless TV. The Candyman let me watch some really bad chick flicks without uttering one word of complaint. Actually, he did scoff a bit at me watching Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves in "The Lake House," but I deserved that one. It really is a dumb movie.

Sunday was more re-grouping, relaxing, cooking and wine drinking. It was exactly what I needed. Sigh......
I hope everyone was as lucky as I was to have a weekend to regroup! Happy Monday!

The Fitting

I have so much to blog about and so little time! I've been debating over what to post first - hair stuff, shoes stuff, a book review, contests, the funniest blog ever.....

But come on, I know you guys want the meat, right? The good stuff? Dress fitting it is!!

So I had an appointment for my first fitting at Arzelle's on Friday afternoon. I met my day-of planner Tabitha (also of Life a la Mode) and Alecia, my day-of-go-to-girl-Friday to handle any last minute emergencies. Thank you ladies for taking the time to meet me!

Hello, Alecia!

First of all, I seem to get really stupid when I put my dress on. I mean, I have a degree in clothing design. I know how alterations work. I've altered wedding dresses before. Hell, I made a wedding dress for someone once. I just go into a deer-in-headlights sort of trance with the dress on. Thank goodness Tabitha was there to make stuff happen.

"Let's see how an American bustle looks."
"Now French."
"Now double French.....too sloppy."
"Make sure the dress is steamed on the second fitting."
"Smile, Louise."

It all went really well. Here are some highlight. I do want to point out that I don't normally look quite this sallow. I was sick for a good portion of last week and was totally wiped out by Friday.

The back.

The front. With cheese.

Boobs and bling.

A shot of me smiling! Go figure!

So, the cups totally have to be built up. The boobs in these pics? All smoke and mirrors. The seamstress didn't have the right size for me to try so I have two B-cup inserts in the dress. That's right, ladies. The Thirty-Something Bride has small, but highly maneuverable boobs. Hike those suckers up there are we're all good. Even with the cups I'll need to take some extra fabric in on the sides and potentially in the front part of the chest area. Sigh.
We also took off the incongruously cheap looking flower. The fabric of this dress is so gorgeous, yet the flower looks like it was purchased at JoAnn's. Weird. I like it better without, so no biggie.

When I first put the dress on, I thought it was too short with the shoes. However, after some discussing, tugging and rearranging, we figured out that the shoes were probably perfect. Whew!

I like my jewelry with it, but Tabitha was quick to point out that with the veil, it was all a little much - very busy up around my face. I took off the necklace and she was absolutely right. With the veil, no necklace. Sans veil (which will be immediately after the ceremony), pearls are on and hair toy added (more on the hair toys soon!).

We're doing a few other things like tacking down the the buttons over the zipper better, we have to lengthen the straps so they don't dig into my shoulders all night, but we don't have to pay for a bustle to be built in. The dress comes standard with a low, French bustle, so we're all good there. Max, the alterations should be no more than $100! Sweet! The next fitting is August 14th! Yippee!

Afterwards, Alecia and I went to Cabana for some happy hour cocktails and snacks. We noshed heavily on white bean hummus, lobster brie mac and cheese (le yum), house-made potato chips with Gorgonzola dipping sauce and a caprese salad. Even the server-bus-boy-guy commented that we were bottomless pits! Nice. Dress fitting is exhausting business. We were extremely thirsty too. Cabana makes a "Sweetini." Tastes just like sweet tea! :)

Hong Kong - Wedding Central Part II

I stay in an area of Hong Kong called Kowloon. It's across Victoria Harbour from downtown Hong Kong. The area is closer to my appointments and to modes of transportation in and out of mainland China. It's slightly less crowded than the Hong Kong side too.

Yesterday I hit an area of Kowloon called Tsim Sha Tsui that is a bargain shopping mecca. Actually, in recent years it's gotten a little more expensive, but it's an area I love to walk around in. There's a bridal block that I browsed around yesterday. The shops weren't open yet, but I got some window display shots.

How about THIS bridesmaid dress?

I love this necklace!

I love this one too! I actually went back after the store opened and asked them the price. It was HK$790, or about US$110.

I stopped in a shoe store and looked around. I found these adorable shoes that I totally would have purchased if they'd had my size. They were only US$20 or so and they were like walking on little clouds! Loved them! They were a half size too small. :(

After walking around for a while, it was starting to get disgustingly humid. The shops were opening and more people were on the streets and it just was getting to be gross and crowded with tourists and I wanted to get back to my own "neighborhood." I popped into the Sheraton hotel to catch a cab back to my hotel and saw a freshly married couple in their get-away car. Here's the car decoration!


And here's the happy couple!
Note the bride in traditional Chinese garb. She was most likely married in a Western white gown. Also note the groom holding the bouquet. When I had left my hotel on my way out that morning, there was a groom and his groomsmen posing for pictures (I would have snapped some photos, but to do so I would have to have been majorly obnoxious and I opted out of that) and the groom also had a bouquet. It was also lavender like this one, so I'm wondering if there's some significance. I need to try to find out. Quirky, eh?

More from "The Try On"

Hi Everyone!

Ugh. Jet lag is the worst. It's 6am in Manila and I've been up since 5am! First, a few comments about Manila. I had heard the traffic was bad. They ain't lyin'. It takes about an hour to go approximately 8 miles on the freeway in any direction. I spent the better part of 5 hours on the road yesterday. Ick. It's also the rainy season. I was lucky yesterday in that is was just hot and humid as hell. It was pouring this morning, but seems to have slacked off a bit. I don't even want to talk about what this does to my hair. Ever see that Friends episode where they all go some place tropical and Monica's hair freaks out? That's what I got going on. It's hot. I know you're jealous. ;)

Anyway, I finally have a second to download, then upload the pictures Sharon (my photographer's wife) took when I tried on The Dress. You can see that it's pretty wrinkly, but you get the gist. I mentioned a few posts back about how I think I'm going to be a nervous bride. Want proof? Check out my facial expression in this one!

Nooooooooo, I'm fine. Not nervous at all.

Here's a shot of the back. I think once this gets all steamed and suck that it's going to look just lovely. Something these pics made me realize - I really like the color of this gown an awful lot! Sharon, thanks again for coming with me!

I gotta run folks. I need to drag my jet lagged booty to the gym and try to regulate with a little exercise. I leave tomorrow for Hong Kong and meet up with my friend Lisa from high school. She's been living in China for the last two years (she's headed home in July) and we are planning a last hurrah of sorts for Saturday night/Sunday day. I plan to get my shopping on and have some well deserved girl time with my old, dear friend.

Thanks for all the comment love y'all have been sharing. It's been so awesome to check in a read via my Blackberry. Keep it coming! Much blog love from the other side of the planet! :)

The Dress!

Hey everyone! I am totally frantic, trying to get myself together to leave the country for a month! I leave TOMORROW! This is probably going to be my last "live" post for a few days. I do have some other stuff planned to auto-post, but I never feel like those are my best work. Y'know?

At any rate, y'all know that my dress arrived about a week early, which was the best wedding news EVER! I met Sharon, my photographer's wife (we've become fast friends!) at Arzelle's on Saturday morning to simply try the dress on. I brought my veil along too.

I'd had two cups of coffee that morning and had also stopped at Starbuck's for an indulgent Grande Skinny Hazelnut Latte, extra hot, no foam (it took me a year to learn exactly what I wanted AND how to say it). Sharon had run into unexpected road work so was running a little late. I was pacing in Arzelle's like a caged animal, I was so excited! I did get to see other brides trying on gowns and that was pretty fun.

Sharon arrived and I hopped into my dress FAST! It fits! Well, all except the boobs, but that's totally expected. I don't think I'm going to have to worry about a weird bra or those even weirder fake boob bra things. I'm pretty certain they can build some pads into the gown and all will be good.

I put on the veil and Sharon actually got a little teary-eyed. It was so sweet! I felt like I was going to pass out. It was all really REAL, if that makes any sense. I didn't think much about the dress or the veil or the moment, I was just sort of freaked out. Nervous. I think I'm going to be a nervous bride. I don't want to be a nervous bride. I want to be a happy bride. Maybe an early morning yoga class the day of The Big Show would help the nerves. Hm. Food for thought.

So, I know you all are dying! Here's the photo op of the first try-on!

I think I was talking to Sharon when she snapped this one.

Here's my self-portrait!

Sharon snapped a few pics with her mac-daddy camera and I hope to post those before I leave. I know that she and Jonathon have been crazy busy with photo shoots as of late. They are so popular!

So, I think the alterations will simply need to be in the boobs and maybe a little taken in at the hips. The dress is just about a quarter inch too large right at the top of my hip and it makes one of the pleats across the front stick up, but I may be looking too hard. Also, one of the straps was constructed twisted, so they will need to repair that. The length is perfect, almost too short! I tried on a pair of three inch heels and they were too tall for the dress. I'm definitely going to need low heels. Boo. :( Probably good for my knees and feet though! In reality, the dress is near perfect-fitting. Hooray!

I've scheduled the actual alterations appointment for the end of July. I get back the first weekend in July, but I thought it best to wait a few weeks prior to the fitting. I tend to lose weight overseas and don't want to alter it too small if I do lose prior to a fitting. It would suck if my dress was too small the day of.

I am just so relieved to have my dress in and know that it's on its way to perfect for The Big Show!

Next time I post live, I'll either be in Manila (The Philippines) or in Hong Kong, depending on how busy Manila ends up being. Keep your fingers crossed that I avoid the H1N1 virus (the mayor of New Orleans is currently quarantined in Shanghai) and that my A330 doesn't have the same Air France issues.....yikes!

Make sure to leave me some comment love. The Internet, Skype and email is my touchstone home for the next 24 days!

FREE WEDDING DRESS!

Happy Saturday everyone! Just a quick note....

I try not to re-post what has already been posted in the Bridal Blogosphere, but occasionally make the rare exception. This is one of them! The Wedding Chicks are sponsoring a giveaway to win a wedding dress compliments of Dessy. You can enter as many times as you'd like by June 8, 2009. Hurry over to Wedding Chicks and enter!

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MY DRESS IS HERE!!!!!!!!

So yesterday I was little Miss Poopy Pants boo-hooing all over my keyboard as I typed my woes to the blogosphere.

I haven't been to the gym since last week and I was supposed to go last night. I gave myself a Miss-Poopy-Pants-Gets-Out-of-Going-to-the-Gym-Free-Pass and went straight home. I walked in the house, saw a blinking message, promptly ignored it and poured myself a glass of wine (how did all you people know exactly what I was going to do?). I changed into some uglies and headed into the yard to plant the nearly dead petunias in-between slurps of hootch.

I went in for a wine refill and decided to listen to the message after all. It was Arzelle's telling me my dress had arrived! I was so excited! That means I can run in this weekend to try it on before I leave for Asia! I can figure out what sort of shoes I can get and if it needs to be altered! So excited!

The Wedding Karma Gods have smiled upon me. Should I sacrifice a piece of cake in homage? Toss some rice over my left shoulder? Hm. Any suggestions to keep the good karma coming my way? Perhaps I can simply try to find a way to pay it forward! :)

The Final Dress Blog - ABG!

Hey Everyone! Show Ashley a little love and head on over to Ashley's Bride Guide and read my final guest blog installment!

ABG Feature, Part II

Ashely, over at Ashley's Bride Guide has featured my hunt for The Dress, part two! Head over and check it out! She mentions our little wine soiree too. What an awesome chick!

"I Wish" Wednesday

Hm...maybe this will be a new thing for me. Maybe on Wednesdays, I'll write about what I wish I could have at my wedding. Not that I am planning on being unhappy about my wedding or that my wishes aren't being granted. Maybe it should be called "If Money Grew on Trees" Wednesday, but I prefer the alliteration, don't you?

To the Wish Wednesday at hand.....

I stumbled across a local designer here in our fine city of Nashville named Olia Zavozina (say it three times fast) who is the maker of the loveliest of wedding gowns. Check this out!

Here's the skinny on Olia:
She is a Russian born designer currently living in Nashville, Tennessee. Her designs have been featured in US Weekly, Life & Style, Good Morning America, Nashville Lifestyles, VIP Franklin, The Tennessean, and All the Rage Nashville. She has advertisements online at The Knot , The Wedding Channel as well as upcoming print ads in the Pink Book and Premier Bride. This lady is getting around! The crazy thing is, she doesn't look much older than a college co-ed, yet her designs are clearly classically beautiful and spot on.

As a recent bride herself, she understands what a brides go through. Her goal is to make a bride's life easier. The initial dress consultation is complimentary. Olia will meet with the bride (you can bring you mom or your friends) to see what kind of wedding gown or bridesmaids dresses the bride is looking for.


During the consultation, the bride describes her wedding and her perfect dress. Olia puts the bride's thoughts together with her vision into one or two design options. If the bride really knows what she is looking for Olia can design a dress during the first consultation. However, if the bride still needs time to research, Olia can work around that. Olia and the bride can reference a catalog of fabric swatches for fine silk and lace she has in stock as well as fabrics to special order. Zavozina goes that extra step to find the perfect fabric and style to create The One. Of course, certain fabric and laces are more expensive than others and can affect the total price.

Olia's wedding gowns range from $1,500 to $10,000. In addition to wedding gowns, Olia offers bridesmaids dresses, MOB dresses, flower girl dresses as well as cocktail dresses ranging from $500 to $2,000 depending upon materials and design details. It usually takes about 10 to 12 weeks to custom order a dress, however it appears she's knocked one out in a week before! Can you imagine?!?

The great thing about Olia is that she is willing to work with a bride at any price level. How awesome is that? Custom tailoring for a perfect fit. Nice.