Thursday, August 27, 2009


OK, I'm going to post a survey on the blog as soon as I'm done writing this. I have a sort of etiquette question for the bridal blog-o-sphere. Non-brides can vote too, you are not excluded from all things etiquette-related!

OK, so The Candyman and The Thirty-Something Bride are having a small-ish wedding. The people we have invited are our closest friends and family and most are from out of state. There are a lot of local folks here who I would love to invite, but we simply cannot afford to have a larger wedding. We had to cut a lot of people out who we like to hang out with. That pretty much sucked.

I was thinking that instead of inviting them to the wedding, that we could invite them to what we are calling The Rehearsal Gathering. I've totally invited my photographer Jonathon and his wife Sharon, because they rock. I've also invited Liza, The Unabridged Bride bridal coach and her husband because they too, rock. I'd love to invite some work people. The Gathering is at Aloft Hotel. It's a cash bar. Basically, we just want people to come hang out so we can all mingle and talk before The Big Show. 99.9% of the people I would ask to come know that we are on a serious wedding budget and/or we've met through the wedding planning process and/or who are co-workers. All that being said:

1. Is it just incredibly tacky to do that?
2. I want to make sure that if I invite these people that they know it's not because we are looking for some sort of gift. We are so blessed that we need nothing but each other!
3. If I do invite, I was thinking a verbal and casual "come join us" would suffice. I wouldn't want to send any sort of invitation just in case they thought a gift would be required. Heck, I was just going to send a few emails. The Candyman started a new job in June, so I thought he might want to invite his new boss or something. I haven't even spoken to The Candyman about this yet!
4. In total, it would be around 15 people I'd invite, not counting who I mentioned above - because I've already invited them and they know the deal-io.

So, go up and vote and/or tell me what you think. I know Emily Post is probably turning over in her grave at the mere thought of this, but truth be told, Emily Post is DEAD.


  1. I say it's your wedding, and your money and in these times people more then ever know how hard it is.... who cares about what you should or shoulden't do when it comes to manners. Be honest tell people what is up and HAVE A PARTY! When it comes down to it I never "expect" to be invited to anything... so to have a party to celebrate would be fun.

  2. i think it's a wonderful idea! if the people you want to invite care about you they will just be happy to get to be involved in an aspect of your big weekend. and like you said - most of these people realize that you are on a budget! a casual invite like "hey! you know we're keeping the wedding guest list low-key, but we wanted an opportunity to spend quality time with everyone who we care about the night before, so we'd love it if you could stop by the rehearsal get-together the night before!" i know i'd be happy with that if i was one of those invited!

  3. I think the premise of the gathering is fine, but I wouldn't call it a "Rehearsal" anything--that is a very strong reminder that it is wedding-related, and typically "rehearsal" events are just for VIP guests, not the uninvited. Call it a "Last night single" party or something like that.

  4. I'm with Missa. Australians don't tend to do the rehersal dinner thing, but I think telling friends to "come and have drink with us" is fine. We're doing something similar with a volunteer group we work with. We're only inviting a couple of friends from the group to the wedding, but will have drinks at the local pub with the whole group (30+) Friday night before the wedding. Its just a casual, drop in if you can thing.I think its fine.

  5. That picture? That picture makes my butt clench up. Thanks.

  6. Oh, yay, an opportunity for one of my favorite questions for brides: Do you WANT this to happen? Then what the heck does it matter if it COULD POSSIBLY be perceived as tacky BY SOMEONE who you probably wouldn't invite ANYWAY? My hubby and I asked for money for gifts IN OUR INVITATIONS. We wrote a humorous poem and everyone loved it. What's the alternative? "Well, we didn't have enough money so we choose not be surrounded by people who are important to us." Lame. And kind of tacky.

  7. not tacky at all, I say do what you want and if you want to have a party have a party, and if your worried about people being upset about coming to a rehearsal and not the wedding don't call it a rehearsal, call it "our getting married party", or "good by to single life party" and if your worried about people think they need to bring a gift say - not gifts as your presence is the only gift we wish for (be aware some people will still bring gift because they want to - I love giving gifts and usually ignore messages like this.)