The Worst of 2010

I was thumbing through the 2010 bridal collections and looking for divine inspiration for....something. I'm not sure what. Maybe I was just ogling the best of Zac Posen and Vera.

*le sigh*

At any rate, I found myself aghast at all that is hideous in the bridal world. Now, I get couture, I really do. I am a huge fan of the detail and workmanship that goes into and and I understand why it's so expensive. What I don't understand is why designers would choose to adorn the human body in a way that is so unattractive is beyond me. Beauty may be in the eye of the holder, but this is my blog and I say what's ugly around here.

Hi, Slut! Is that a whip in her hand? Just curious.

Lady GaGa meets Maddona circa Like A Virgin meets a small bag of sheer material.

Clearly, she pissed about something.

"This is ground control to Major Tom..."

*****
I'm speechless. I can't even come up with a snarky remark. It's that bad.

But what about the bridesmaids? Oh, we've got those too.

She's the MOH. The maids are hiding in her skirt.

Merry Christmas!

Any bride who makes another woman wear a dress like this needs to have the ever-loving crap beat out of her.

So you know, I just thought I share some fashion faux pas with you. I'm not going to share the designers names with you simply because I would hate to promote The Ugly in any way, shape or form. However, all the pics are from here. It's not the photographers fault they had to shoot dresses that look like a bag of assholes*.

*Slang cred to Marizzle. Word.

Inspired by The Inspired Bride

I have not been a big fan of the garter toss or the bouquet toss, for that matter. The history behind the garter toss is not one that brought a whole lotta "Yes! Let's do that at our wedding!" sort of feeling to the planning process. The idea was nixed before it was even considered. However, if you'd like an interesting read on the history of the garter toss, please go and read it here. Shouldn't all brides know the history behind the tradition? I think so.

That being said, Holy Garter Toss! Did I see some awesome garters today. I hate direct re-posting of info out on the Wedding Blog-o-Sphere, but I just can't help myself. Just look at these and you'll get why I just have to. This blog cred totally goes to The Inspired Bride because she's the sassiest on the sidewalk, posting such fabulousness as this.



These beautiful creations make me wish I wore a garter, just for the hell of it. These are by Etsy shop Florrie Mitton Couture. Couture indeed. Since I didn't price garters out at all, I have no idea how budget-friendly they are. The last photo there of the garter in the box is $25. Hell, I pay that. It's oh-so chic. Yes, please.

So go to her Etsy shop and get a garter.

Nail Art

I'm taking a break from the budget recaps to share what I think is becoming a trend - and a scary one at that. Nail Art. Little did I know that there are entire freakin' websites dedicated to nails and nail art. Have I been living under a rock? Perhaps I've just been slightly distracted by The Martha and Style Me Pretty to look further into the depths of fashion.

Now, y'all know I did my best to grow my nails out for The Big Show. I was boo-hooing about it here. I didn't do such a great job. Neither did my manicurist. But in the end, everything really was fine.

So, I'm flipping through the October Vogue (I'm still a little behind in my magazine reading) and I see this article about Nail Art. Now you know if it's in Vogue there's got to be some validity to the trend, right? I mean, come on. They don' just make that shit up. Do they? I don't think so. And if you do think so (or know so), keep it to yourself. I like my fantasy world.

So I found one of the places on-line that Vogue talks about. It's called Valley and it's in NYC. It's a real kooky kind of site. However, I thought I'd share with you a few things I found there. All photos courtesy of Valley.

This shot is what prompted me to blog about this. LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT EFFING DIAMOND! My question is this: why in God's name would anyone detract from that ring with a hideous bedazzled NY on their ring finger? Sadly, money and good taste do not go hand in hand.

Mmmmm, Klassy.

I'm sad this picture is so small. You can't see the double-knuckle ring that reads "MelisciousB." Goes well with her Paul-Stanley-esque nails.

"There's a party goin' on right here, a celebration to last throughout the years. So bring your good times and your laughter too. We're gonna celebrate and party with you. Come on now - Celebration! Let's all celebrate and have a good time! Celebration - we gonna celebrate and have a good time." Nail fashion by Kool and the Gang.

I like the light gold tips. Pass on the bling though.

This is about as far as I would go. I actually think this is kinda cute.

Please enjoy this budgetus interruptus.

Jimmy Choo Loves H&M

Source

FASHION ALERT!!!

Just so you know, Jimmy Choo has paired up with H&M. All you lucky duckies who have an H&M where you live (Nashville, not so much), you'd better get there early. FYI:

"The retailer is expecting a crowd of bargain-hunting shoppers and will introduce a system where the first 160 people in line receive a bracelet that allows them into the designated collaboration area for a limited time.

After two hours, the designated area will be opened up for all customers, however, every customer will have a limit of buying no more than one size in shoes or garments or on piece in accessories per product per customer."

If you go and buy, please send me a picture so I can drool in jealously. Happy Shopping!

Fall 2010 - Already?

I mean, damn. Already? Like Christmas has already hit retail and it's a nano-second after Halloween. I'm working on June 2010 (like, we are so behind schedule) and fashion has just cranked out Fall 2010. Nice. I was pondering and perusing the runway fashions and have decided to share my favorites. In no particular order.

Yummy Zac Posen! This makes me wish I'd gotten married in January, but only for like a second.

Angel Sanchez. Let's take the giant flowers out of our hair and put them on the dress. Much better.

This is from the BCBG Maz Azaria Cruise Collection, but I think it's a beach wedding gown - for sure!

Oh, hello....and a gorgeous farewell on the backside of this stunning Christos gown. 

I am dying over the gobs and gobs of pearls. A million times yes. Thank you, Douglas Hannant. 

This is the one aspect that I wished I'd had - a little something peeking out. Gorgeousness by Farah Angsana.

Lace by Jim Hjelm.

Lovely, lovely layers by Junko Yoshioka.

This totally reminds me of the amazing St. Pucchi gown I tried on. Alas, this little number is all Monique. You know, Ms. Lhuillier.

The latest from Vera Wang. She just nails it every damn time.

Who is your favorite designer? Me? I just la-la-love St. Pucchi. He's got this weird sort of Thierry Mugler sort of vibe so him.Not that I would wear any of his dresses, I just really appreciate the artistry behind them. I did try this one on and was in heaven until I looked at the price tag.

Source

And just so you know, I'm compiling some budget stuff to go over for the venue, so hold onto your wallets, I'll be back to the budgets ASAP!

A Quickie!

The timing is so awesome.

I have been avoiding Style Me Pretty for quite some time now for several reasons:

1. Bridal remorse....coulda/shoulda/woulda.
2. No more DIY ideas need to be floating around in my head.
3. Irritations at the repetitive "teasers" and then hella long, parts I, II and III wedding recaps. Enough already.

However, they are still in my Google Reader, so I can't avoid them unless I oust them all together and I'm not quite ready for that kind of separation anxiety.

Look at what they posted! There's my new bolero! What's funny, is my dress is similar to hers. Hoping my brown one will look just as groovy.

Source

Hell to the Yeah!

OK, I'm about to have a fashion-gasm.

I have failed to update you on my shrug-obsession. I think I have found my fix on Etsy. Oh, please. Oh, please. Oh, please write me back Etsy-Seller!

Here's the latest.....

I looked at any and all shrugs/boleros on my two weekend-long shopping extravaganzas and found nothing. I even went to Forever 21 and looked at the shrugs I had seen on-line. My reaction was simply this: ew. So cheap looking and lame. I mean, they are OK for just knockin' around, but not for my wedding.

I kept checking back on Etsy and wasn't finding anything. Last night, I quietly opened the attic while The Candyman was engrossed in the Cowboys/Panthers game (we're Panthers people, whether I care or not) and got into my stash of old patterns to see if I had a shrug pattern somewhere I could modify. I dug through some old fabric too (have I mentioned that I interned for a private designer and she gave me thousands of dollars worth of supplies - just because I was a student?) . I found a nice little ivory, Swiss dot tulle that I had enough of to make a shrug, but couldn't find a decent pattern. I grabbed my pattern templates thinking I might actually make my own...... I brought it all downstairs and stashed in some drawers, afraid The Candyman might see a new project and get pissed.

It was still brewing in the back of my mind today and I thought I'd give Etsy one more stalk and see if I could find something new. Oh yes, I did. The store is called MaryandAngelika and they have EXACTLY what I am looking for. Exactly. Check it out:

I've convo'd the Etsy seller. I just hope she writes me back tout de suite. Aren't these just lovely? What color do y'all like? The brown would go with my color scheme and would look just dandy. The red is total pop though and I kinda love it. The only little tiny thing is that the smallest flower looks like it will end up in my arm pit, so I've asked the seller how it's affixed. If it falls wrong, I can just re-attach it up higher if won't damage the jacket to remove it. I just love that these are actually little jackets versus the tie-back shrug version. This has every element I have been searching for: ruffled collar, fabric flowers and gathered cap sleeves. I love it. LOVE IT! Please keep your fingers crossed that I can get this in time. Nothing like pushing things to the last minute.

Update - Etsy seller wrote me back! She's In Israel! I have to pay an extra $19 for shipping, but I don't care. Decided on the brown as the red with my blue shoes might make look like a flag.

The Rehearsal Gathering Ensemble

I am sitting here swigging Acai berry juice, after a teaspoon of local honey with a bag of Riccola at the ready. Two weeks before the wedding and I have lost my voice. Excellent. It's because of all the damn rain we've had. It's growing mold spores all over the trees and I'm really allergic to that crap. The Mucinex pumping through my veins is keeping my sinuses from exploding through my face, but nothing is helping the throat. I'm trying to convince myself that freakish berry juices sighting nutrients and antioxidants will help whatever free radicals are assaulting my face. At any rate, the wedding must go on and I'm bucking up to get the last bits and pieces done.

I have decided upon the Rehearsal Gathering Ensemble. I went shopping with the ladies 2 weekends ago and bought the RGE, but just wasn't quite sure. I went out last weekend on a total power shopping extravaganza and came up empty handed.

Just one more time I am going to bitch about my body. Everyone says that manufacturers make clothes for tall, thin people. Bullshit is what I have to say to that. I'm tall (5'10") and relatively thin. I wear a street size 6 or 4. My thighs are kinda gross and I blame my mother for that. She'll take the heat though, because she knows my pain. At any rate, since I am Thirty-Something, I don't particularly care to show my knees. I just don't think it should be done and I don't like my knees anyway, so there you go. I challenge you to find a dress that covers the knees that isn't an empire waist maxi-dress or baby-doll style. It also needs to be long enough to fit my freakishly long waisted-ness. I probably tried on 100 dresses last weekend. Seriously. I didn't even care how much they were. I tried on a $3000 Alexander McQueen dress, just to see how couture would fit me. Ha. It fit just as poorly as the cheap stuff from Old Navy, but with way better fabric. So, that being said and done, I stuck with the original RGE. Why was I looking for something else if I already had an ensemble? I just really wanted to wear something other than black.

I got this little Karen Kane number at Belks. The back definitely is representative of the outfit, but the front is not at all. It looks WAY different on me than this picture. This looks like a tank top style, but it's not. It's more like a cowl front, so it's drape-y up top and at the waist. My shoulders are way more broad and I have way less boob and I'm way taller than this model so it looks way different. Like, way.

Source

Much to The Thirty-Something Bride's chagrin, the jumpsuit was not on ANY kind of sale. Massive bummer, but hey, I'm getting married. And I will wear this again. Besides, I got massive deals on all the accessories! I got these Gianni Bini sandals on sale at Dillard's for less than $25 - with tax!

Source

And then I got these cute little matching gun-metal colored accessories at Forever Love, the accessories-only store of Forever 21, so you know it was freakin' CHEAP!

Source

I also had to invest in some new Spanx because jersey knit and my butt are not a match made in heaven. No one needs to see that kind of jiggle. Overall, I think it's going to be cute. I just was really hoping for something super cute and not black. Oh well. C'est la vivre. I also bought a cute dip-dyed maxi dress at Off 5th. Maybe I'll post about that tomorrow. I need to gets some pics up!

17 days - just so you know.

"I Wish" Wednesday

I hate waiting lists for on-line fashionista web-sites. It annoys me to no end. Looking to get on gilt? Do you wish you didn't have to wait? Consider your wish granted.

www.gilt.com/housebeautiful

No waiting. Instant gratification. And you can get the coveted Kenneth Lane Pear Pendant for $30. No lie.

Source

Viva La 80's!

OK, now I feel really famous! My old high school friend Mike Albo is a writer in New York. He's written a few books and often writes for different magazines and newspapers. He's also a performance artist. I had a MAD crush on the guy when I was a freshman and he was a sophomore. We were in the same geometry class. Nothing ever came of the mad crush, but I always enjoyed his company. We found each other on the Internet a few years back when I stumbled across a copy of his book in a local bookstore ("Hey, look at this book! The author is Mike Albo! I wonder if it's the same Mike I went to high school with?" Yes, indeed.) and read it cover to cover in a day. It was somewhat autobiographical, so I could identify with lots of parts of the story. I tried to figure out who was who, exactly. Good times. Anyway, he writes lots of reviews and here's one he wrote recently. SO LOVE that I got a freakin' call out in The New York Times!!! Check it out!

New Wave's Next Generation

Viva La 80's!

The Thirty-Something Bride circa 1985, loved the single dangle earring. I believe the ensemble was from the ever-hip Foxmoor.

Circa 1986, rockin' the Robert Smith 'do. Note the little frizz of hair on my shoulder? Yup, killer long tail is what that is. You're jealous, you know you are. Sweater by Krizia, a staple designer at The Limited, back in the day.

Circa 1987, sporting a more angst-ridden Ally Sheedy-style. I do miss that watch. The shirt was my first-ever purchase from Urban Outfitters (do not ask me how I remember this) and the pants were from The Limited. I worked there for two years. I had a bad-ass wardrobe.

Oh, Hello!

Lookie what I found on shopstyle.com!

Source

Found on Forever 21 website for $19.80.

Source

Also on Forever 21 website for $24.80!

I kinda like the silver look because I think it would be an interesting accent to the champagne color of my dress. Also, the clasps and metal accents on my jewelry are silver.

I guess I could order them both and see what they look like. I can always return. That's my thing with Etsy, I might not be able to return something if it isn't right or doesn't fit. Does anyone know the return policies of Etsy? Does it depend on the shop?

The Weekend, Part Uno

How much stuff could happen in ONE WEEKEND?? All wonderfully fun, lovely stuff! I know I can't get it all in one post. I'm going to post a little at a time, just so I don't inundate my poor readers with my manic typing of all things weekend related.

First, in regards to the bolero/shrug thing: I don't think I'm going to make one at this point. The sewing table is covered with wedding crap. I couldn't find any awesome patterns, which means I'd either have to make my own (blech) or revise the hell out of an existing pattern which can be as bad as starting from scratch.

I was out and about this weekend (more on that later) and I swear, I checked a gazillion stores and no one had any cool shrugs/boleros. I went to:
Macy's
Dillard's
Belk
BCBG Maximara
Cache
Bebe
Betsey Johnson
Express
The Limited
J.Crew (I did find cute wedding flip-flops for $9.99 and a t-shirt for $4.99 though!)
Ann Taylor
Arden B.
White House/Black Market

I even went into Chico's and The Gap for goodness sake and nada! I'm going to check out ShopStyle.com, just in case.

These are the little flip flops I got at J.Crew for $9.99!

Source

What I don't understand about these is that they are $14.50 on-line and $9.99 in the stores. Eh?

But back to the weekend recap! I 'll start with Friday, when my friend Kathy came in from east Tennessee for the weekend. Now, don't hold anything against her just because she's from east Tennessee. She's not your typical east Tennessean, thank GOD. She stayed with my other friend Jan and we all met up at her house to get the weekend started! After a much needed Pinot Grigio, we opted for sushi for dinner. Since Kathy is from a small town in east Tennessee (have I mentioned that yet?) she doesn't have access to sushi. She has tried it once or twice, but nothing really memorable. We went to a tasty place called Peter's Sushi-Thai and ordered what seemed like the entire menu! Kudos to Kathy! She struggled through her use of the chopsticks, but never gave up! In retrospect, I think Jan and I totally out-ate her, simply based on chopsticks-skill!

After dinner, we called it a night - we had a big day ahead of us! More recaps to come! Who else had a FABULOUS weekend??