Something Borrowed

Once me and the MOH got back from gettin' our hair did, I was able to breath in and out for a few minutes, eat my sammy and enjoy a little Prosecco. Aaaaaah....Prosecco.

I have to back up just a small, teeny bit in order to go forward- like about 10 or 11 years ago.... Y'all know Charlotte Russe, right? Well, back in the day there were only 20-something stores and all of them in California. Well, I lived in LA and was an assistant manager and a store manager for them. I have to be honest, it was SO much better then. It was kind of like a less expensive BeBe's - not the crappy junk it is now (so depressing when I go by it in the mall). Anyway, I met this chick Barbara, another assistant manager there and we did not get along. She was kind of snooty. I think she thought I was kinda pushy (Who? Me?). I'm not exactly sure what changed about that between us, all I know is that we were suddenly friends. It might have been the fact that we caught each other rockin' out to Rick Springfield's "Jessie's Girl" one day at work. I think that kind of broke the ice, if anything. We weren't just co-workers, we were friends. I consider her mother and father to be my surrogate parents. They hosted me on holidays when I couldn't go home to see my parents because of our stupid jobs and having to work bullshit retail hours. They were my second family.

Years after I had left California (Barb and I are still in the same field and saw each other at trade shows every few months - so cool!), Barb fell over a filing cabinet at work. To date, she's had several knee surgeries and a major back surgery to try and fix the on-going, never-ending saga of workman's comp and horrible pain that really and truly wasn't her fault. She's dealt with countless lawyers and doctor's and it just sucks. It sucks that I can't make it all better for my wonderful friend.

The up-side to this depressing tale is that she was able to get on a plane for the first time in many, many years and make it here for the wedding! Right before I started getting dressed for The Big Show, Barb stopped by the room. She brought with her my "something borrowed."

If you can't tell, that's a QUARTER sitting in the middle of that wedding band. The ring belonged to one of Barb's father's Norwegian ancestors - clearly a giant man. The ring is very old and has been to hundreds of weddings. It is considered a good luck charm and has been in the pockets of grooms and groomsmen. It has been tied into the bouquets of brides. It has been present in the purses and pockets of wedding guests - all to bring the happy couple good luck.

I too, tied this giant ring into my bouquet. It seemed appropriate to have a part of my second family, the people who care for me and love me as much as my own, join me on my wedding day. The most important thing of all was having my dear friend Barbara as a witness to our ceremony. It would not have felt right without her. I am so blessed to have her in my life.

The Ceremony, Part I

This is an auto-post. Just so you know. When you read this, I will educating others on the beauty and splendor that is my January 2010 release (home decor is like, so much later than RTW fashion). We can only hope that it's a smashing success.

In the meantime, there are things I have yet to share about the wedding. Big, beautiful, lovely things that you simply must know.

Our ceremony, if anything, was totally lifted from a host a resources. The Candyman, being the wordsmith in the house, had final say over the vows and I completely trusted him in this endeavor, even though I did fight with him on some things. With time, I saw he was right.

Th template we used came from our wonderful officiant, Minister Ralph Griggs. Minister Griggs is a wonderful, non-denominational minister. Since The Candyman and I don't belong to a church here but wanted to marry in a House of God, the combination of Minister Griggs with Owen Chapel was personally, the best for us. We could not have asked for more or better.

Minister Griggs has a wonderful (and easy) Ceremony Planner that covers the basics of any Christian ceremony. If he performs the ceremony, the guide is free. You can edit the guide at will to meet your religious and commitment needs (that sounds like a commercial, "to meet your commitment needs, call us!").

He also has at At-Home Marriage Preparation Course that comes free with his services. The Candyman and I found this course very interesting! If you take the course, you save $60 on your TN marriage license. Since The Candyman and I believe in counseling, we didn't have to complete the course, but we got through most of it anyway because it was so interesting. It asks really interesting questions that you don't normally think of. For instance, there was a question that asked us what we would each do if we won a million dollars. Like, for real. Don't be all, "Dude, I'd totally go to Vegas, and then Prada and then buy a phat crib." If you both say that, then um, you might have some issues later in life - I'm just sayin'. What was cool is that we both had the same answers - just allotted differently. My plan was to save most of it, pay off law school loans and help family members with the rest. The Candyman had pay off law school loans, help family members and then save the rest.

For some reason that small activity gave me a huge feeling of being bonded to The Candyman in a new way. It gave me such a comfort to know that while we may not have agreed on percentages, our priorities of what was important to us was similarly sound. The entire course was laid out in much the same way. Simple activities that gave you pause to think and compare. As I have mentioned before, I think counseling either by a priest, minister or counselor is always a good idea.

WEDDING TIP #9 - If you do decide to go to a counselor, therapist, shrink, guru, minister, priest or shaman - know this: if either of you are unhappy or uncomfortable with the individual chosen to assist you in your couple's training, you should choose another.

The Candyman and I had started counseling with an individual who was horrid. HORRID. I cannot and will not tell you the things this woman said to us. "Bu-bye" was what we said to her. Do not feel you have to stick with someone who makes you unhappy, simply because they are a professional in their field. Properly trained people in the field of therapy should make you feel positive after a session. They should encourage you to look inward, seek resolution, practice new behaviors and to be open and honest without being hurtful or unkind. Sometimes these practices are painful and difficult to work through. However, the person who is trained and who you pay to give you sound advice should prove trustworthy to you and your partner. I'm just sayin'....

Anyway, I can't gush enough about Minister Griggs. He performed our ceremony with feeling and with intent. Several people commented on the ceremony and how they liked how we incorporated certain elements. We are just so thankful that we were able to find a minister who was willing to give us the ceremony that The Candyman and I dreamed of having. We both had a little concern about that, living in what can sometimes feel like the buckle of the Bible Belt. The Candyman and I were raised with Christian backgrounds, but neither of us has ever found "home" in a particular church, so we don't go. The churches in Tennessee can often be a little conservatively aggressive to our more liberal thinking. Knowing that we could honor our God as well as ourselves and our beliefs was such a wonderful relief to us, a very natural and obvious choice.

Thank you, Minister Griggs for a wonderful service. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your role in our wedding celebration!

Coming soon - The Ceremony, Part II or How The Thirty-Something Bride and The Candyman Lifted Their Wedding Ceremony from Fellow Bloggers. It could go either way. Stay tuned!

P.S. I had some pictures planned to post with this, but Blogger is uploading black squares at this very moment. My apologies for lack of visual stimulus.

DON'T FORGET TO ENTER THE FABULOUS FLORRIE MITTON COUTURE CONTEST!
ENTER HERE TO WIN A CUSTOM MADE WEDDING GARTER!

Cookin' Up A Contest! (and "I Wish" Wednesday!)

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What's cookin' over here at The Thirty-Something Bride headquarters? Well, it ain't just a deep fried turkey, my friends. A contest, that's what! I am so, so excited, you have no idea. Here's just a little hint for what's in store....

1. De-vine. De-Gorgeous. De-Lovely. De-Lish.
2. There's customization involved.
3. Etsy, so you know it's groovy.

All will be revealed soon enough. Until then, you're going to have to make do with the hints!

Besides, everyone will be so stuffed with turkey tomorrow, it'll be tough to rouse anyone into any sort of excitement. Unless you're going to see New Moon, that is (like me). It's OK to admit it. Here, I'll go first: I am physically attracted to a 17 year-old boy named Taylor Lautner. In some states, that's perfectly legal (for instance, North Carolina). Surprisingly here in Tennessee, it's not legal. But come February when he turns 18, he's as legal as they come. So technically I am considered a perv, but only for 3 more months.

GOBBLE! GOBBLE! GOBBLE!

I'd like to give thanks to all of our Armed Forces both domestic and overseas and to their families at home who will be without their soldiers tomorrow.
I want to give thanks to my friends and family who I hope are blessed with happiness and good health.
And my wish is that (now and for always) when there is a person in need, someone will reach out a helping hand.
I want to give thanks to The Candyman, because he effing rocks! Love you, Baby!

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all!

Back to Budgets

Seeing that it's Monday (blech) and I have a cold (sniff/cough/wheeze), I thought I'd get back to the nasty task of budgets. So far we've determined this:

1. I was on/under-budget on the venue because I am an idiot.
2. I was over-budget on my dress because gown preservation is effing expensive.
3. I was under budget on flowers. Hooray!
4. I was over-budget on beauty because I am a vain, vain woman.
5. We were over-budget on transportation, but there were LOTS of factors that screwed that up.

Here are some quickies:

We were slightly under budget on the ceremony. Why? Because we saved $60 on our marriage license that we got by going to pre-marital counseling, which cost us $35 a visit. Hmmmm, wait a minute.....

WEDDING TIP #8: GO TO PRE-MARITAL COUNSELING! There is no shame in it. There is no admission of guilt that your relationship sucks. It means that you are a caring, thinking, committed individual who wants to have a successful relationship. Period.

I'm going to touch on this further. The Candyman and I are still going to counseling. Why? Because we care for each other. And because we totally don't know how to fight. I come from a non-confrontational, southern, white, Anglo-Saxon Episcopalian approach to arguing: never in public, never in private and only behind some one's back. The Candyman has a dad and four brothers: fight it out until some one's bleeding, then call a truce. You can see how our arguing styles differ. Neither is right, but it's what we know so we have to learn our way of fighting. That can be super-duper hard and it clearly takes lots of practice. Our therapist is our coach. She listens, tells us where we made mistakes and we practice again. Even Tiger Woods has a coach and needs to practice.

Groom's attire was on budget - that one was easy. Sadly, because our wedding party was not large, we did not get the groom's tuxedo for free. Whatever.

I guess were over on gifts. Sigh. Over budget again. I knew I would be getting presents for people who played a part in the ceremony, like our friend who read a poem (I'll talk about the ceremony soon, I promise!) and for our "ushers." I also got a gift for our planner. I intended to get her some token something or other while I was overseas. However, I saw an oil painting that I loved and bought that instead! It was the right thing to do simply because it felt like more of a heartfelt gift than some lame earrings or something. Tabitha ended up being such an amazing addition to the planning process and to our celebration, I couldn't have done it without her! I also spent a little more money on The Candyman's gift than I intended, but it was SO worth it!

The Candyman doesn't wear a watch (I have no idea how he does this) and I decided to get him a nice one, for when he goes to court to do his attorney-ing. I was looking all around and found nothing that really was him. Around that time, I was off having coffee with Tabitha and we were walking back to our cars and we noticed that something had moved into the abandoned gas station on 12th avenue. It was imogene & willie. If you are local, you must go here. Must. Cool stuff galore, including the 1974 Bulova Accutron watch. The Candyman was born in '74! Perfect! The version above is just slightly different than what I got him. It doesn't have the swoopy face frame - it's just plain. It does have the original leather band though and it was in perfect condition. It took me all of about 5 seconds to buy it.

What did The Candyman get me? Oddly, he bought my present right next door at Moda! He bought me an original Julia Martin painting. She is my most favorite local artist. The painting The Candyman got me is the second one from the left on the bottom row.

It was the most perfect present ever! Thanks hunny-bunny-puffin-face-schmoopy-pie! He thinks I knew what my present was. How? Because I just happened to run into Julia at my Girl's Night Out soiree. I was pretty sure I had convinced her to give me the last of her paintings in her Grey Garden series as a wedding gift. She was a little tipsy, as was I, so I think that makes the arrangement null and void. However, I mentioned it to The Candyman and he thought I was baiting him! How ironical.

What did you get for your hunny-bunny-puffin-face-schmoopy-pie? Are you giving gifts? No one say ya gotta, just so you know.

"I Wish" Wednesday

Wishing The Candyman HAPPY MONTH-A-VERSARY!

Here's to a bazillion more months, just like this last one.
(OK, well maybe not including last week, so let's not count that one. I call DO OVER!)

WEDDING TIP #3 - Just cuz you get married, doesn't mean all the same relationship crap that's hard work goes away. It means you get to work harder at it.

Gooey Like Grilled Cheese

I am speechless. Not sure where to start with this one.

It was fabulous. It was gorgeous and intimate and so much more than I ever envisioned. When I started the planning process, I had nothing in my head. As I tried to figure it all out, it became slightly more clear. When I started blogging in April, the vision became a little less hazy, but I still couldn't see the final thing in my head. This was tough for me as it's how I work in my day job. I can see the final thing in my head and work towards that vision. My wedding was somehow different though.

Towards the end of the process, I had a clearer picture but the reality was so much more wonderful than anything I ever conjured up in my head. The flowers were stunning. The food was delicious. The friends and family who came to witness our love and commitment to each other was completely overwhelming. The support of our vendors and their commitment to our day was outstanding.

Did we have a few little hiccups? Why, yes we did. But they were small and managed with tack and speed by my wonderful day-of planner, Tabitha.

The most wonderful part of the whole thing is that The Candyman and I committed ourselves to each other in a way that was the most meaningful to us. It was so freakin' cool.

I'm trying to figure out where to start on the recaps. I can't do budget for a while because I need to get all that sorted out. And honestly, I do NOT want to look at that goddamn spreadsheet for a while. I need the honeymoon first (we leave on Thursday!). I don't have too many pictures yet, but I have a few from friends who posted on Facebook.

Me and The Candyman and our El Día de los Muertos Cake Toppers!

With Ginger - the keeper of these first photos!

Dancing with Dad!

Once I get some more photos and have some more time. I'll start sharing! I gotta get ready to go to Mexico!!!!!

Thanks so much to everyone who came and helped us celebrate. It was so wonderful and meaningful to us, you have no idea. All the family and friends who worked so hard to get here - to travel from far and wide and take time away from their own lives and families to be with us - it means so much to us. Especially now, when everyone is feeling the pinch of the economy, that reality is not lost on us and that makes all the effort that much more wonderful, powerful and thick with ooey, gooey love. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart, as well as The Candyman's!

So Cool.

It's so cool that so many people have come from so far away to celebrate with me and The Candyman.

Tonight was a blur. I'm trying to slow down and take it all in, but I just can't. It's all happening so quickly. How do I make go in slow mo? I want to watch it all like I used to watch Steve Austin run in The Six-Million Dollar Man. But it's like it's all getting sped up. I don't think that's quite fair.

So many of my friends have now met other friends they'd only heard about. Families have met families. It's really wonderful and cool. I want Superman to fly around the world backwards and slow it all down. Please? Just for tomorrow? I don't want to miss anything.

The Weekend, Part Dos

OK, so I have to back up just a wee tad. On Friday morning, I come downstairs to head out to work. The Candyman had already left the casa, but there was a big Crate and Barrel box sitting in the middle of the living room floor. I thought, "Waaaaaait a minute, that wasn't there last night!" I quickly devised that it was delivered at the front door and The Candyman simply walked past it when he came in from work the day before (I come and go via the back door). How he could have missed it is beyond me. It was HUGE! So I started dancing a jig in the living room because it was OUR FIRST WEDDING PRESENT!

I'll admit, I had every desire a Thirty-Something Bride could have to go tearing into that box! But no, I did not. I exercised great restraint and left the box untouched. I had to rush home that evening in order to meet the girls for dinner and expected The Candyman to be home. He was not. But guess what was? ANOTHER HUGE BOX FROM CRATE AND BARREL WAS AT THE FRONT DOOR! Too much! It was too much! The Candyman called and he was stuck in traffic and I had to leave. What sort of sick twist was fate serving me? I mean, TWO boxes and I'm not allowed to open them?? WTF?

So I did what every smart bride would do. I checked the registry list! Booya! Score! We got ALL of our wine glass and half our champagne glasses! Yeehaw!


When we were finally able to open up and unpack everything - wow! I went to the cupboards and packed up all my old, mis-matched wine glasses and replaced them with the new. Am I supposed to wait to do that until after the wedding? Oops. Anyway, they look so beautiful! Even though I am a Thirty-Something Bride and I don't need a whole lot of stuff, I have to admit, the purging of the old and mis-matched seems appropriate since I have found my match. I felt a little weird about registering but it's so OK to get new stuff. It's funny, suddenly it's not about getting the stuff, but getting ready for our new life - together. How wonderful.

Thirty-Something Bride sans make-up and The Candyman, sporting The People's Eyebrow.

THANK YOU, LORI!

The Unabridged Bride!

Hurry! Hurry! It's not too late to sign up for the Unabridged Bride 3-part workshop! You can win some really super-cool prizes! Like what? Well, let me tell you:

• A FREE night at Aloft Hotel (yes, that's FREE)!
• A FREE manicure and pedicure at The Woodhouse Spa (um, yes please.)
• A $50 gift certificate towards any project at 12-Point Signworks (hello, wallscape!)

Run over to Liza's Unabridged Bride web page and sign up. I went to her first mini-workshop and had a really incredible time. I had only wished that I had been to it earlier in my engagement! I think this is the new wave for brides, or at least it should be.

"I Wish" Wednesday

Double whammy yesterday. First, my cat died. About 15 minutes after I found that out, I found out some other bad news. I decided to deal with one at a time.

My aunt was diagnosed with Stage II Multiple Myeloma, a cancer of the plasma cells. It cannot be cured, but can be managed. It's going to involve chemo, radiation and potentially a bone marrow transplant. The family has been thrown into a bit of a frenzy, naturally.

I read about Myeloma on-line last night and I shouldn't have. Knowing what my aunt is up against was heart-breaking. However, she is an amazingly resilient woman who has faced a multitude of life's challenges. She remains one of the sweetest, loving and happy women I've ever met. She has the most infectious laugh and I smile in anticipation of hearing it.

I don't see her often enough. I was really looking forward to seeing her at my wedding. This bullshit disease may throw a wrench in all of that since she's about to enter The World of Cancer. I hope that she'll be well enough to make it. I pray that she manages this disease with as much grace from God as He's willing to bestow on her. I am pissed at God for heaping this upon her already burden shoulders, but that's between me and God. He and I will have to work that out later when I'm not so angry at Him.

My wish is for my aunt to pass through this time in her life with as little pain as possible and as quickly as possible. I wish for her not to worry about everyone else and to take care of herself. I hopes she knows how much we all love and cherish her.

Two Months to Go!

I am officially at the two month mark. On October 11th, I'll be meeting The Candyman "down front" at Owen Chapel.

I feel like there is so much to do and no time to do it! I'd post a "to-do" list, but I think it might freak me out a little if I saw it all in writing.

I have had a few thoughts as of late. I'll share.

• I have to thank my MOH for the recent, sweet email.
  
• I have to thank Tabitha now for all that she is doing to help me for free. I had a recent mini-crisis (OK, not a crisis, but perhaps a change of direction) and she stepped in today and just took care of shit. Thank God.
  
• I have to thank Alecia for her humor and love and support. Good friends are just the best.
  
• I want to thank my blog readers for their support and feedback. You are an incredible group of friends, family and total strangers who make my days brighter with comments, comebacks and witty repartee.
  
• I love The Candyman something fierce!
  

Off to bed I go! I've got some great updates coming as soon as I can get the time to write them! Why, oh why, must my job interfere with my blog-world? Sigh....

Oh - and don't forget people. You need to enter my fabulous contest to win 100 FREE Save the Date Cards from Rachel Jasper Designs. Have you entered? No? Then go here! This is group participation, people!

A Different Kind of Knot

Hey folks! Go here and read my post on Weddzilla!

Start a Revolution

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I have made a decision. No more bitching and no more whining. Period. At least, not when it comes to wedding stuff. I feel almost embarrassed about my "poor me" post from this weekend. What the hell am I complaining about?

• I have an awesome fiance who, after 7 months of engagement hell, still wants to marry me.
• We are both healthy and happy.
  
• We are both employed.
  
• We have a comfy roof over our heads.
  
• We have money in the bank to pull this wedding off.
  
• We have supportive friends and family who want to see nothing but happiness for me and The Candyman.
  

So I won't have a shower or bachelorette party - so what? I'm tired of feeling all "woe is me" about it. I really need to take CJ's words to heart (from my last post about the Unabridged Bride Workshop) and stop "torturing myself with tradition." I've never been traditional in my life before, why start now?

I have friends here who are willing to help. I'm just not willing to let go and let people help me. Um, hello - control freak! I'm done with that. I'm already planning a girlie get together to work on OOT bags with some local friends in a few weeks. Why torture myself and The Candyman with a project (let's face it, ironing transfer paper is probably not his thing) when a few bottles of wine, some willing girlfriends and some irons will get the trick done in no time?

So, no more complaining. No more WPM's. It took me seven months to figure it out, but I think I finally have. It's all about the love. So, I'm a bit of a hard-headed, slow learner. I eventually get it.

Wanna start the Wedding Planning Revolution (WPR) with me?

The Unabridged Bride: A Workshop

The Inaugural Unabridged Bride Workshop

Sarah, Liza, Marie, A Forgotten One, Moi, CJ, Ashley, Krista

OK, so first off, thanks for the kind words regarding my last post and my cake blow-up with The Candyman. Of course we kissed and made up and talked about our frustrations. If you read the last post, you could probably tell I was pretty frustrated. Indeed.

Here's the kick in pants. I could have avoided a good chunk of stress, frustration, WPM's (Wedding Planning Meltdowns) and pre-marital throw-downs if I'd had The Unabridged Bride: A Workshop under my belt. Seriously.

OK, so this was the inaugural workshop for the Unabridged Bride and I thought it was big bowl of fabulosity. The workshop was held on Thursday at CJ's Off the Square in the quaint historic town of Franklin, Tennessee, about 25 miles south of Nashville. It really is an awesome historic area.

The players in the workshop were Liza Hippler, bridal coach extraordinaire from Maiden to Married, CJ Dickson of Williamson County Weddings and Events and proprietor of CJ's Off the Square, Ashley King of Ashley's Bride Guide and Marie McKinney-Oates, of the Nashville Marriage Studio. The attendees ranged from weeks away from their wedding (yours truly), new-to-Nashville bride-to-be Sarah of local blog fame Sarah Elizabeth, and two others whose names are escaping me. HORRID! I know, but I swear I can't keep a thought in my head these days! Ladies, please forgive me!

We started off a little late, simply because we're a chatty bunch. Liza got the show on the road and talked about how most weddings are focused on The Day versus The Marriage. We did a really cool guided meditation bit that was all about wedding visions, expectations and the connection one has with their partner. I'm all about yoga and meditation and thought it was super-groovy. We discussed the values we want to be represented on our wedding day and to keep those values handy at stressful planning times. These are the values I wrote down:

• Honor
• Commitment
• Relaxation
• Celebration with The Candyman
• Stylish Simplicity
• Closest Friends and Family

I'm not sure if those are all values or not, but it's what I wrote down. After the workshop, I included Pledge of Community Support as well.

Next up was Ashley and she hit on the Budget topic. She had great personal input and fabulous ideas! For her own wedding, they budgeted a particular amount of people to be invited. They allotted a certain number in their head-count (to include all family and their friends) and then distributed equal amounts to each side of the family. If someone wanted to go over their number, they had to write the couple a check for the per person cost. I thought it was a fabulous idea! Of course, all of that was pre-arranged and discussed prior to the start of the planning process. She was adamant about that.

Now CJ is just fabulous in my book. This lady has got it going on. I told her I wanted to get a bottle of wine and sit down and just let her talk. I'm guessing as a planner and venue proprietor that she's got some incredible wedding stories. Right? Anyway, there were two key elements that stuck out for me with her. First, she talked about how so many brides are "tortured by tradition."

"But I have to have equal number of bridesmaids and groomsmen!"
"But the groom's parents are supposed to pay for that!"
"Inner envelopes are a must! "

Who the hell says so? The Knot? Martha Stewart? Your mother? Forget it all. There are no rules and it is way OK to be different.

Second, was wedding elements that are "socially constructed." So many things that we socially construct around our weddings can be changed easily. For instance, The Candyman and I are not have a rehearsal dinner. We are having a rehearsal "gathering" at Aloft Hotel. We are having an early rehearsal, setting everyone free for dinner and The Candyman and I are going to have a private, intimate dinner alone. We'll meet all of our friends, families and out of town guests at Aloft for socializing afterward. I think it will be awesome to have the down time with The Candyman and it will make it easier to talk to everyone at Aloft versus a sit down dinner. People are coming from far and wide and I want to make sure I get quality talk-time with everyone!

CJ avoiding the camera and Ashley, listening intently.

After CJ, Marie McKinney-Oates shared some great tips about how to be The Best Wife Ever: Five Behaviors of An Amazing Wife!

• Communicate! Communicate! Communicate!
• Do "you." Being true to who you are.
  
• Know your buttons.
  
• Treat your marriage like a sanctuary.
• Let him know you enjoy sex with him.
  

One of the best and most true things Marie said that night was, "Marriage is a mirror being held up to you." I can't agree more with this.

Last, but certainly not least, was Liza's hubby, Tom! He did a quickie review of life insurance and the importance of it. OK, Tom was such a charismatic force. Never in my life did I find life insurance so freaking exciting. He was funny, charming and most importantly, informative. Totally need to hear more. Seriously, it was that good.

Liza's insurance selling hubby! He's awesome!

We even got to take home some mini-floral arrangements by Petals by RJS! I totally snagged the bud vase that matches the ones I bought at Target!

Driving home that night I really thought a lot about the information and stories shared from everyone. I truly wish that I had heard all this seven months ago when The Candyman and I got engaged. I really think it would have saved me a lot of WPM's and been less tortuous for The Candyman.

Hindsight is 20/20, but hopefully it's not too late for others! Learn from The Thirty-Something Bride's mistakes! I make so many, it's hard to choose from, I know.

Thanks again to everyone who put this shindig together. It was a lot of fun and truly a gift!

Food Fight

The Candyman and I just had a huge blowout. Over cake. Yes, cake.

I think we are both feeling way under-appreciated as of late and I think it's taking a toll.

I met for THREE hours with my "day of" planner ironing out details of the flow of the day and who's doing what and all that. The planner is a friend and is doing all this as a wedding gift to me, which I find incredibly generous. I just don't know what I'd do without her. Thank you, Tabitha. You're my saving grace.

We came across a problem with the flow of the reception regarding the cake cutting. The cake is in a room that's nowhere near the dinner area. I thought it would be annoying to have everyone get up, go to another room for us to cut the cake and then go back to the dining area to eat it. My planner suggested that we cut the cake before dinner, if I was game to mixing things up.

I thought it was a unique idea. The cake is close to the cocktail area, so we could cut the cake before everyone sits for dinner. Then, it could be cut and passed for dessert. It might negate the idea of a cake buffet, but I didn't think that through when we were discussing it. Anyway, my initial thoughts were that we could start the reception and our marriage off with something "sweet" and solve the location problem at the same time.

I posed the idea to The Candyman tonight and he did not like it. He also did not handle the critique of the idea well at all. I got defensive. He got mad. I'm upstairs blogging and he's sleeping on the couch. Great.

We are both getting so tired of the wedding planning. I am exhausted. I am sick of thinking about it all. I'm not having a shower or a bachelorette party and I'm tired of feeling sad about that. The Candyman is giving me hell about how I should be concentrating on the vows. He's right, I should be, but there's just so much other stuff to get done. A few people have commented that I need to get friends and family to help. I don't have family here and they've been pretty hands-off thus far. I mean, I had to ask an immediate family member to read my blog so that they know what's going on. That's upsetting. Not that people have to read it every day or that my blog should be how I communicate with my family - it's not. But, there are total strangers in the blog-o-sphere who know more about my wedding than people in my own family. Are my emotions and how I'm communicating them through this post passive-aggressive? Yup, probably so. It's either this are I'm going to go Bridezilla on someone. I know The Candyman feels trampled these days. I just feel alone in Wedding Planning World.

There's a lot about how I feel as a bride that I wrote before I went overseas. I didn't post it for some reason. Scared. Worried that I'd have to deal with people being emotionally passive-aggressive with me. Yeah, my family is big on the passive-aggressive guilt thing. We're all martyrs in our own worlds.

I swear, I am trying so hard.

I know the cake thing is stupid. I'm pretty sure The Candyman agrees. I know I could be dealing with things that are much worse: mean in-laws, parents who invite people we don't know, a myriad of disgruntled bridesmaids - you name it. I know I am lucky in many ways and I'm trying to keep that in mind. I'm trying to remember that this is all about the love. Sadly, I'm not feeling very loved at this moment with The Candyman on the couch. Boo. I think I might go try to coax him upstairs to bed. Wish me luck.

The Thirty-Something Bride Gets Romantic

You can read my ooey-gooey post on Weddzilla here.

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy (or The Thirty-Something Bride)

Here it is Saturday night in Hong Kong. What a lovely day I had today. A quick recap.... a friend of mine from high school has been living in Guangzhou, China, for the last 2 years. We kept in touch sporadically since high school, mostly just Christmas cards. It was weird, we were really good friends freshman and sophomore year and then not so much the latter part of high school, mostly because we traveled in different packs. No animosity or fall out, just different interests. I'm not sure why we kept in touch. Perhaps out of habit? I'm not sure. I am a big believer in fate, divine intervention and karma. I do believe that her presence in my life at this moment is important, meaningful and not without a touch of serendipity.

At any rate, I met up with her last October when I was in Guangdong and we had drinks and dinner together. I had not seen her in 20+ years, but it was like no time had passed at all. It felt like we had just finished watching "Purple Rain" on the Beta Max for the umpteenth time and had settled in for boy-talk and cookie dough consumption.
She was able to take the train to Hong Kong today and I met her around 11am and we spent the day having lunch, shopping at H&M and Gucci (I officially own my first Gucci drawstring Hobo) and sitting by Victoria Harbour, enjoying a few glasses of chardonnay. My friend has experienced many personal trials this year. While I'd love to get specific so that I can get specific, I must respect her privacy. However, I can share some of the outcomes of our conversations here that don't necessarily breach the trust of friendship.

• I cannot judge my relationship based on what I see in other relationships. No one knows what happens behind closed doors, when life gets real.

• Making a commitment of your body and soul to another human being is HUGE. What this means in the long run is any persons guess. There is no guide book that determines YOUR path.

• I believe that there is a process of maturation for women. Maybe not maturation, but one of self-discovery. I can only describe it as a time where you finally pull you head out of your ass, take a look around and assess the damage - both internally and externally. What you do at that stage can determine a lot about your future and who you decide to be.
  

• You need to commit yourself to your partner and your marriage every day - as a conscious choice.

• Take no one thing or person for granted - ever.

There are a few things I feel lucky about:

• That I know I can change.
• That I know I will change.
• That I know that I don't know it all.
• That I know that I will never know it all.
• That I know I can't control everything, try as I might.
• That I am aware.
• That I met my soon-to-be husband and fell in love with him, faults and all.
• That my soon-to-be husband was willing and able to chip away at my self-built wall to take a peek inside.
• That once he got a glimpse of the insides, wanted to stay.

There are a few things I feel somewhat unlucky about:

• That I had to do what I did to be in a place to welcome my soon-to-be husband into my life. While there are no regrets, I wish I was still a twenty-nothing with the same experiences under my belt. This wish is purely for vanity reasons alone.
  
• That the tick-tick of the clock is a part of procreation conversations between me and The Candyman.

I think as long as the pro list continues to out-weigh the con list, we're doing A-OK.

Ah, the trials and tribulations of The Thirty-Something Bride.

Fourty-Four Years and Counting.....

Happy Anniversary to my Mom and Dad! The were married on June 5, 1965. Here they are on their wedding day!

And here they are now, 44 happy years later!

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!

Dia De Los Muertos

Otherwise known as Day of the Dead.

From Wikipedia:

"The holiday focuses on gatherings of family and friends to pray for and remember friends and family members who have died. The celebration occurs on the 2nd of November in connection with the Catholic holiday of All Saints' Day and All Souls' Day which take place on those days. Traditions include building private altars honoring the deceased, using sugar skulls, marigolds, and the favorite foods and beverages of the departed, and visiting graves with these as gifts."

The Candyman's mother died of cancer when he was only 11 years old. I keep trying to get him to honor her at our wedding in some way. He doesn't seem really excited about any of my ideas. I can understand that.

I went shopping for a birthday present for him last week at a great shop in Nashville called Pangea. While I didn't find anything for him, I did find our awesome new cake toppers!


They were only $5 each and I just KNEW The Candyman would love them. He did! I didn't really know much about Dia De Los Muertos until after I bought these and looked it up online. Perhaps this is the quiet way to honor The Candyman's mom without announcing her absence in a program or prayer.

I think they make a cute couple, albeit slightly morbid. Just like us. :)