Saturday, June 20, 2009

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy (or The Thirty-Something Bride)

Here it is Saturday night in Hong Kong. What a lovely day I had today. A quick recap.... a friend of mine from high school has been living in Guangzhou, China, for the last 2 years. We kept in touch sporadically since high school, mostly just Christmas cards. It was weird, we were really good friends freshman and sophomore year and then not so much the latter part of high school, mostly because we traveled in different packs. No animosity or fall out, just different interests. I'm not sure why we kept in touch. Perhaps out of habit? I'm not sure. I am a big believer in fate, divine intervention and karma. I do believe that her presence in my life at this moment is important, meaningful and not without a touch of serendipity.

At any rate, I met up with her last October when I was in Guangdong and we had drinks and dinner together. I had not seen her in 20+ years, but it was like no time had passed at all. It felt like we had just finished watching "Purple Rain" on the Beta Max for the umpteenth time and had settled in for boy-talk and cookie dough consumption.
She was able to take the train to Hong Kong today and I met her around 11am and we spent the day having lunch, shopping at H&M and Gucci (I officially own my first Gucci drawstring Hobo) and sitting by Victoria Harbour, enjoying a few glasses of chardonnay. My friend has experienced many personal trials this year. While I'd love to get specific so that I can get specific, I must respect her privacy. However, I can share some of the outcomes of our conversations here that don't necessarily breach the trust of friendship.

  • I cannot judge my relationship based on what I see in other relationships. No one knows what happens behind closed doors, when life gets real.
  • Making a commitment of your body and soul to another human being is HUGE. What this means in the long run is any persons guess. There is no guide book that determines YOUR path.
  • I believe that there is a process of maturation for women. Maybe not maturation, but one of self-discovery. I can only describe it as a time where you finally pull you head out of your ass, take a look around and assess the damage - both internally and externally. What you do at that stage can determine a lot about your future and who you decide to be.
  • You need to commit yourself to your partner and your marriage every day - as a conscious choice.
  • Take no one thing or person for granted - ever.

There are a few things I feel lucky about:
  • That I know I can change.
  • That I know I will change.
  • That I know that I don't know it all.
  • That I know that I will never know it all.
  • That I know I can't control everything, try as I might.
  • That I am aware.
  • That I met my soon-to-be husband and fell in love with him, faults and all.
  • That my soon-to-be husband was willing and able to chip away at my self-built wall to take a peek inside.
  • That once he got a glimpse of the insides, wanted to stay.

There are a few things I feel somewhat unlucky about:
  • That I had to do what I did to be in a place to welcome my soon-to-be husband into my life. While there are no regrets, I wish I was still a twenty-nothing with the same experiences under my belt. This wish is purely for vanity reasons alone.
  • That the tick-tick of the clock is a part of procreation conversations between me and The Candyman.

I think as long as the pro list continues to out-weigh the con list, we're doing A-OK.

Ah, the trials and tribulations of The Thirty-Something Bride.


  1. Wow Louise- it was really big of you to be that honest with us. Thanks for taking the time to share those deep thoughts. Can't wait for your to be back in TN!

  2. The thing is, all your life experience brought you to the point where you met and fell in love with the Candyman... so all that's part of it, even if it took longer than it does for some other people.

    And, boy, do I know about those tick-tock clock conversations... apparently we should've started trying on our first date (or before!)

  3. Yay for H&M. Super yay for high school cookie dough consumption. And mega yay for the truths that came to you. Your email sounded very centered. Sounds like that conversation and what came out of it was very grounding for you.

  4. thank you for sharing such a personal side of yourself Louise!

  5. I have many of the same things on my Pro-Con list that you do. :-) The one thing we can say, though, is that our past experiences shaped who we are and brought us to our present situations. Without them, things may not have turned out this way. So despite the timing issue, we are where we are supposed to be. And past the angsty, indecisive period of our lives. This Is It. And it's a great feeling to know it.

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxo from far away!!