Saturday, June 27, 2009

A Message from The Candyman: Part Three


Gentlemen, it is now time to have that open and candid discussion about sex and marriage and all that it entails. First, we must acknowledge the elephant in the room, we have decided that the woman that we are about to marry is the last woman we will ever sleep with. While our fairer counterparts will also have to address this same issue, I suspect they feel the anxiety that it provokes less acutely. I also suspect that it is an issue that every man has to address before taking that final plunge.

Lets face it guys, we are genetically programmed to want to screw everything that moves. It's a scientific fact. We should not feel bad about this; as many Oprahites might suggest we should. It is why our species has flourished, or at least one reason. In this regard, DJ from Hustle and Flow was right "Man is like a dog." How can we reasonable expect to sleep with only one woman for the rest of our lives? Gentlemen, God has given us our primal nature so that we might learn to overcome it.

I think every man fears the day when that hot magical spark fades and we settle into that seemingly sexless-void known as marriage that we have often been warned about. And that can definitely happen if you take each other for granted or let the demands of everyday life provide you with an excuse to not take care of each other intimately.

But take heart my friends, statistically speaking, married folk have significantly more sex than their single counter-parts . Most married couples also have much better sex and more of it than singles. According to a University of Chicago National Sex Survey, 43 percent of married men reported having sex at least twice a week, while only 1.26 percent of single men not cohabiting had sex that often. Single men were 20 times more likely to be celibate than married men.

Familiarity does not dampen sexual ardor; indeed, marriage actually facilitates sexual activity. Sex is easier for married couples. Any single act of sex costs them less in time, money and psychic energy. For the married, sex is more likely to happen because it is so easy to arrange and so compatible with the rest of their day to day life. And don't forget fellows practice makes perfect. 50 percent of married men and 42 percent of married women find sex physically and emotionally satisfying. This stat might seem a bit low, but if we consider the 52 percent of marriages end in divorce, I think this boils down to if you are happily married, then you are pretty much going to have a great sex life.

So fear not my friends "I Do's" of marriage are not the death churgle of our sex life, but really the culmination of our sexual experience coming to fruition. We have just begun!

But what troubles me still is why there is still seemingly so much infidelity among married couples. After reviewing 25 studies of infidelity, renowned psychologist and marital researcher Shirley Glass, author of several books on the subject of infidelity, estimates that “25% of wives and 44 percent of husbands have committed infidelity.” Another source, The Monogamy Myth, authored by Peggy Vaughan, approximates that 60% of husbands and 40% of wives will have an affair at some time in their marriage. WTF!

So if this is true, it is a statistical likelihood that either me or my spouse will commit adultery. Well then what is the point? We see the destructive effects of this played out in the media every day. Why is this? What happens to people.

First of all, I think a lot of folks that shouldn't be getting married are getting married. I think, maybe much the TSB readers chagrin, the whole business of weddings, wedding planning and the whole infatuation with this process and industry seduces our attention away from the real meaning and gravity of the vows we are about to take. People take marriage too lightly and sometimes might be swept away by their more immediate passions.

A lot of folks say that men cheat for the sex. This is complete BS! This is also contrary to the statistics about married sex being good that I mentioned previously. Why go out for hamburgers when you have steak at home. Plus as all men know, there is no sex worth the devastating backlash that comes when you get caught, and you will get caught. So why then.

I have a theory, Sex is Communication. Communication is the key to any successful marriage. In our next installment we'll explore this concept as well as the fundamental importance and beauty of fidelity and monogamy.

Many Blessings

The Candyman

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