Tuesday, June 23, 2009

A Message from the Candyman: Part 2

Well the storms have passed and as promised I shall soldier on through filling in for TSB as she travels through areas of China in which it is forbidden to blog. Thanks so much for the kind responses and the praise. But I'm afraid that it is a bit premature. First, I am not this perfect fiancee who "gets it". I most certainly do not "get it" really. But I do know that I don't get it and that's a start. These are just some things I've learned from the mistakes I've made which might help some some of my fellow clueless grooms to be.

Furthermore, I do have a few bones to pick with you ladies (and a list or two as well). Some of these things I am certain will not be well received, but nonetheless I feel need to be addressed. But that is an issue for another post. Today, we'll be finishing up the "To Do" list for the groom to be.

Number Four: Make a "To Do" list

You are going to be inundated with a thousand little things that you would have never thought of, nor should you have, in preparation for the big day. I was surprised to find out that I have to by my groomsmen gifts, I have to buy my bride a zero anniversary gift, and plan a day-after brunch for our out of town guests among the zillion other little things that I'm sure were cleverly crafted by the wedding to leech every red cent out of this deal and convince your bride to be that it is simply tradition. But I digress, it can quickly become overwhelming and it is easy to get side tracked and drop the ball on the big day (remember Super Bowl-No fumbles allowed). A simple TO DO list will help you keep track of what you need to be doing, when you need to be doing it. And your bride to be will be more than happy to help you out with a list of honey do's. But if you really want to blow her panties right on off, without prompting say "Honey I'm working on my wedding planning "To Do" list can you help me out?" Trust me... it will work like a charm... it will help you stay on task and maybe get you a little sumpin'-sumpin' to boot

Number Five: Take Charge!

Well, not really... you control very little my friend...accept it. But I find it really helpful to be the main planner on certain aspects of the wedding. I am our wedding's music director. Its something I know a little about, it isn't totally emasculating and it is dare I say...fun. Booking musicians and DJ's was kinda fun and it really took the pressure a little off the TSB, which any time you can give a little support in the planning department to avoid a WPM (wedding planning meltdown) take it. But remember. YOU ARE NOT REALLY IN CHARGE! Run all final decisions through the little lady. But even if all of your suggestion are ultimately vetoed, take heart, she will not be able to accuse you of not trying to be involved in the process, which is what, I think, they want. I think it goes something like they want you to care, help out, be active in the process, but be comfortable enough having no real pull in the decision making process. We can do that.. I can speak for us clueless grooms when I say, we just want you to be happy.

Number Six: Have Fun

Check the attitudes brother, you will be doing yourself a big favor if you learn how to have fun shopping for shoes, going to the fabric store, and doing girl stuff that you hate doing. Remember the first principle! You are going to do a lot of stuff like this and life is too short to be miserable going about it. And guess what I've learned... when it comes to wedding planning girls hate this shit too! Every little detail contains so much significance and pressure (whether it be societal or self-imposed) to achieve such a level of perfection that things (such a shoe shopping) that used to give them great pleasure become maddening. She is going to need you to help remind her that this is supposed to be fun. Try on every pair of heels that she does, make her laugh, just be there quietly without a tude and it will help a bunch. By the way, did you know that every time a woman tries on shoes, especially heels, they always check to see how it makes their butt look...fascinating.

Number Seven: Learn How to Talk Openly about Finances

I don't want to talk about it.

Number Eight: Tell her how you feel

Never ever waste an opportunity to express your gratitude for all the hard work she is putting into your wedding.
You may not understand the importance of all the details, but you would go through anything with her. Tell her that you are honored to be her man, even when she is behaving badly. That you hate to see her upset or stressed over something that is supposed to bring you both joy. When you are confused about what to do, or frustrated, just say so. It helps a great deal. Trust me.

Well I'm out of steam again. In tomorrow's installment we are going to have an open and candid discussion about sex gentlemen. This, I assure you, is a topic you will not often find addressed in bridal blogs. But our fairer counterparts have called for insight from the groom's perspective, who are we to deny.

Many Blessings

The Candyman


  1. Wow, Candyman, these are some good tips!

  2. All good points and I anxiously await the post tomorrow...even if it makes me mad haha. I give you lots of credit for posting for her during her travels and having an open relationships where you can discuss tough subjects.

  3. Once again...passing this on to the FI! I'm very curious about your next post....

  4. wow! It's so refreshing to read what's going through the mind of the groom-2-be and that he just may have a plan of action! Thanks for the list; i'll make sure BIgNate gives it a read so the planning can move a bit smoother...