Tuesday, June 30, 2009

It's Days Like This

Bitch-fest. Right here. Right now.

So I get to Delhi last night after being delayed in both Bangkok and in the air space over Delhi. I was supposed to get in around 7:45pm. We didn't land until 9:45pm. I didn't get to the hotel until after 11pm. I checked in and my room was disgusting. I've stayed here twice before and it was OK. The carpet was filthy, there was a layer of dust an inch thick over all. Nasty. I was too tired to fight it, but did in the morning. I had my room changed pronto. Annoying, at best.

I started out the day fine. I had a good meeting at the Noida Mart, a trade fair location. No shows are in progress, so the mart was VERY empty. I had to use the restroom before we left so walked to the end of a very long hall. I stepped into the restroom vestibule and into the single-seater potty. I locked the door and did the obvious. I went to leave, unlocked the door and the door would not open. The door refused to unlock. I locked and unlocked. I locked and unlocked. Nadda. I kicked the door. Kicked the handle. Nadda. I started pounding on the door. Oh, and by the way, no air conditioning on in the mart. In July. In India. In a 3x3 stall in India. I knew my agent would start to investigate soon, but still. I started pounding on the door and yelling. "HELLO! HELLO!" No response. I can whistle REALLY loud so started doing that although I was totally skeeving out at the fact that my fingers were in my mouth after going potty in the mart toilet in India. But, it was the loudest noise I could make. So then I hear a guy speaking Hindi and I'm like, "Yeah, hi! I don't speak Hindi! I speak English. Please help!" He said something in Hindi and left. A few minutes later, a timid female, "Hello?" Me: "Yes, hi. I'm locked in here. Could you please walk to the end of the hall and tell Manu Talwar that Louise is trapped in the toilet?" And a timid reply, "Of course." A few hot minutes later, Manu and a team of crack pot engineers (OK, security guards with keys) were able to free me from my Porcelain Prison.

The rest of the day was fine, except for the fact that I am jet-lagged as all hell. So Manu and I go to my favorite Indian hot spot called Shalom. Hindi's tend to fast on Tuesdays so the place was relatively quiet. His wonderful wife Vinny met up with us and we had a great time. I get back to my hotel and go to check emails on my Blackberry and I note that the pocket that holds my phone is unzipped. My cell is either lost or in Manu's car. Of course, I can't call him because his number is in my cell. Goddammitalltohell. I call Shalom with no luck. I will have to wait until tomorrow to see if I am cell phoneless, which would completely suck ass and I'm sure I'll have hell to pay for losing a work cell phone if it's gone. Goddammitalltohell.

It is SO time for me to get the hell out of foreign countries and to come home. Please someone give me blog love. I so need it. PLEASE let my phone be in Manu's car. Yes, I've already tried calling it.


  1. I'm so sorry to hear about all of these international mishaps! We can't wait for you to be back in the US and at Engaged Nashville. Although traumatizing I'm sure, your restroom story was quite entertaining.

  2. i'm sure it was maddening at the time, but your toilet story is *hilarious*! Thanks for sharing (and ridding me of my current desire to toss off work/ wedding planning stress and run off to India...)

    safe travels!

  3. OMG when do you come home? Your stories are exhausting me and I am sitting on my couch! At least you have some good stories for when you get home! You need a glass of wine for sure.

  4. oh no! so sorry about your terrible day. i can't imagine! you definitely made my day seem better than i thought it was!

  5. Oh no!!!!! I hope today goes better for you and I hope you find your phone safe and sound!

  6. Whoa. Thank goodness you got out ok.

    Ugh and the bathrooms at Kolkata airport were beyond gross. I love the environment, but I love toilet paper more. Paper needs to be carried everywhere in India.

  7. I just read this... glad you got out, and glad you have found your phone or at least know its whereabouts.

    SO excited for you to come home.