Saturday, July 18, 2009

Food Fight

The Candyman and I just had a huge blowout. Over cake. Yes, cake.

I think we are both feeling way under-appreciated as of late and I think it's taking a toll.

I met for THREE hours with my "day of" planner ironing out details of the flow of the day and who's doing what and all that. The planner is a friend and is doing all this as a wedding gift to me, which I find incredibly generous. I just don't know what I'd do without her. Thank you, Tabitha. You're my saving grace.

We came across a problem with the flow of the reception regarding the cake cutting. The cake is in a room that's nowhere near the dinner area. I thought it would be annoying to have everyone get up, go to another room for us to cut the cake and then go back to the dining area to eat it. My planner suggested that we cut the cake before dinner, if I was game to mixing things up.

I thought it was a unique idea. The cake is close to the cocktail area, so we could cut the cake before everyone sits for dinner. Then, it could be cut and passed for dessert. It might negate the idea of a cake buffet, but I didn't think that through when we were discussing it. Anyway, my initial thoughts were that we could start the reception and our marriage off with something "sweet" and solve the location problem at the same time.

I posed the idea to The Candyman tonight and he did not like it. He also did not handle the critique of the idea well at all. I got defensive. He got mad. I'm upstairs blogging and he's sleeping on the couch. Great.

We are both getting so tired of the wedding planning. I am exhausted. I am sick of thinking about it all. I'm not having a shower or a bachelorette party and I'm tired of feeling sad about that. The Candyman is giving me hell about how I should be concentrating on the vows. He's right, I should be, but there's just so much other stuff to get done. A few people have commented that I need to get friends and family to help. I don't have family here and they've been pretty hands-off thus far. I mean, I had to ask an immediate family member to read my blog so that they know what's going on. That's upsetting. Not that people have to read it every day or that my blog should be how I communicate with my family - it's not. But, there are total strangers in the blog-o-sphere who know more about my wedding than people in my own family. Are my emotions and how I'm communicating them through this post passive-aggressive? Yup, probably so. It's either this are I'm going to go Bridezilla on someone. I know The Candyman feels trampled these days. I just feel alone in Wedding Planning World.

There's a lot about how I feel as a bride that I wrote before I went overseas. I didn't post it for some reason. Scared. Worried that I'd have to deal with people being emotionally passive-aggressive with me. Yeah, my family is big on the passive-aggressive guilt thing. We're all martyrs in our own worlds.

I swear, I am trying so hard.

I know the cake thing is stupid. I'm pretty sure The Candyman agrees. I know I could be dealing with things that are much worse: mean in-laws, parents who invite people we don't know, a myriad of disgruntled bridesmaids - you name it. I know I am lucky in many ways and I'm trying to keep that in mind. I'm trying to remember that this is all about the love. Sadly, I'm not feeling very loved at this moment with The Candyman on the couch. Boo. I think I might go try to coax him upstairs to bed. Wish me luck.


  1. awwww.... what a bummer, all of it! i hope when you read this in the morning, you will have woken up next to a sweet & snuggly Candyman.

    boy, can i relate - to all of it! we didn't have a blow up about the cake, but quite a lot of tension around it. weird, really. the cake cutting is not very important to me, and i guess i hadn't really visualize the flow of the evening around - but the guy had a very CLEAR vision, which he communicated mainly by assuming 'that's how things are done.' grrr...

    i hear you on the fam/ friends thing, too. my fam is incredibly hands off, which is mostly good, but sometimes i wish they were a bit more invested.

    *hang in there!* wedding planning is definitely exhausting and trying, esp. on top of a full-time job, and it's easy to get to the point where everyone feels that they're giving 150% and not suitably appreciated. that's when i turn it all off and go to the gym! :)

  2. You are so not alone!

    I live in a town where I know no one. It is where my FI grew up and went to school so guess who is coming to my shower...his friends and his family...oh wait maybye not his family because NONE of them have RSVPd.

    For some reason weddings bring out really weird sides of those we love. I have just decided to accept is not easy and I cry almost daily about someone who is hurting me, being mean or something like that.

    My friend told me...

    "People who are sort of stupid in your real life become completely freaking stupid during wedding planning and people who hurt you sometimes in your regular life totally freaking hurt you during your wedding."

    I really think she is right!

    Your wedding is going to be amazing and all of the things you guys are going through are totally normal...also remember you have been gone for what...a month! That is huge! It is going to take time for you guys to get back in your house is the FI works for the CA Senate and has been gone for basically half the year...working all hours and never at home. It is really hard!

  3. Aaww Louise, sorry to hear. I swear if any couple can make it through planning a wedding, they can make it through almost anything!

    You are both obviously stressed out and have a lot to do. It will get done. The little projects, extras - decide if they're worth it. I'm definitely looking over everything again.

    We're in a similar situation in that almost all my bms are OOT. I felt really bummed only having one around and she's had a lot going on.

    But you have to take a breath, watch some mindless tv, and do something for you guys. We had a date last night (first time in sooo long) and it was actually nice. Strangely, I still have a ton to do but am completely not stressed out. I may not sleep much the week before.

    Hang in there and let us know if we can help!