The Candyman and I just had a huge blowout. Over cake. Yes, cake.
I think we are both feeling way under-appreciated as of late and I think it's taking a toll.
I met for THREE hours with my "day of" planner ironing out details of the flow of the day and who's doing what and all that. The planner is a friend and is doing all this as a wedding gift to me, which I find incredibly generous. I just don't know what I'd do without her. Thank you, Tabitha. You're my saving grace.
We came across a problem with the flow of the reception regarding the cake cutting. The cake is in a room that's nowhere near the dinner area. I thought it would be annoying to have everyone get up, go to another room for us to cut the cake and then go back to the dining area to eat it. My planner suggested that we cut the cake before dinner, if I was game to mixing things up.
I thought it was a unique idea. The cake is close to the cocktail area, so we could cut the cake before everyone sits for dinner. Then, it could be cut and passed for dessert. It might negate the idea of a cake buffet, but I didn't think that through when we were discussing it. Anyway, my initial thoughts were that we could start the reception and our marriage off with something "sweet" and solve the location problem at the same time.
I posed the idea to The Candyman tonight and he did not like it. He also did not handle the critique of the idea well at all. I got defensive. He got mad. I'm upstairs blogging and he's sleeping on the couch. Great.
We are both getting so tired of the wedding planning. I am exhausted. I am sick of thinking about it all. I'm not having a shower or a bachelorette party and I'm tired of feeling sad about that. The Candyman is giving me hell about how I should be concentrating on the vows. He's right, I should be, but there's just so much other stuff to get done. A few people have commented that I need to get friends and family to help. I don't have family here and they've been pretty hands-off thus far. I mean, I had to ask an immediate family member to read my blog so that they know what's going on. That's upsetting. Not that people have to read it every day or that my blog should be how I communicate with my family - it's not. But, there are total strangers in the blog-o-sphere who know more about my wedding than people in my own family. Are my emotions and how I'm communicating them through this post passive-aggressive? Yup, probably so. It's either this are I'm going to go Bridezilla on someone. I know The Candyman feels trampled these days. I just feel alone in Wedding Planning World.
There's a lot about how I feel as a bride that I wrote before I went overseas. I didn't post it for some reason. Scared. Worried that I'd have to deal with people being emotionally passive-aggressive with me. Yeah, my family is big on the passive-aggressive guilt thing. We're all martyrs in our own worlds.
I swear, I am trying so hard.
I know the cake thing is stupid. I'm pretty sure The Candyman agrees. I know I could be dealing with things that are much worse: mean in-laws, parents who invite people we don't know, a myriad of disgruntled bridesmaids - you name it. I know I am lucky in many ways and I'm trying to keep that in mind. I'm trying to remember that this is all about the love. Sadly, I'm not feeling very loved at this moment with The Candyman on the couch. Boo. I think I might go try to coax him upstairs to bed. Wish me luck.