Monday, May 11, 2009


Photo by Deviant Art.

Wedding planning is supposed to be a great time in a woman's life right? All the birds are chirping, the sun is shining and I'm supposed to be pooping rainbows, right?

And then reality sets it.

To add to the of planning, the state of the economy and trying to afford a wedding, I've received a blow today that just adds to the stress I'm already feeling. My company is merging with another and upper management salaries were just decreased 10%, across the board. Executive management salaries were cut even deeper. Lots of people were laid off, mostly from within the other company that merged with us, but a few within our organization too.

I feel like someone took a knife and stabbed me in the heart. I feel like someone took years of my hard work and completely stripped me of it. I feel as if I got laid off. I feel like I can no longer afford the wedding I've paid thousands of dollars in deposits for.

I know I'm supposed to feel lucky because I have a job. I do. I am lucky in that regard. I know that in brighter times, my company rewarded me generously and will do so again in better times. I know that in order to survive later, we must sacrifice now.

I know these things. It doesn't change how I feel. It doesn't change the fact that my paycheck will be significantly lower starting next week. It doesn't change the fact that I now have to go back and try to squeeze water from a stone when it comes to the wedding budget AND our household budget.

I'm hurt. I'm upset. I have a raging headache that's been with me since 8:15am when the blow was delivered. I'm angry. I'm really angry. I want to take my anger out on someone....something. I pity the person in front of me at the light this afternoon who hesitates a nano-second at the light.

Here's my blame list: *Republicans, please stop reading now.*
I saw Dick Cheney on Meet The Press this weekend and wanted to strangle him.
I blame Cheney and his puppet GW for this gigantic mess. I blame the people in my company who sought personal financial gain and glory over a company-wide profit scenario. I blame Wall Street greed. I blame The Real Housewives of Orange County/New York/Atlanta/New Jersey for their idiotic anecdotes they are trying to pass as off as "real life." I blame fast food restaurants for being the only affordable food that is slowly killing our country's poor and our children. I blame myself for spending over $100 this weekend on shoes for me and The Candyman. I blame Davidson County for increasing the value of my home during a recession, when home values are at their lowest in decades, in order to build profit in taxes. I blame myself for being emotionally unprepared for the inevitable. I feel like GW and Cheney just took my wedding and shoved it in a greasy paper sack and left it outside for wild animals to tear apart while Jenna and her husband, I'm sure, are happily (and probably expensively) enjoying their first year anniversary today.

Man, am I low. I had hoped to blog about favors today, but maybe not. Tomorrow might be better, yes?

Today I still have a job. Today I have good health. Today I have love. Today. Be present. Be mindful. Be careful, for tomorrow comes. Yes? Yes.


  1. awww i'm sorry! i know how much it sucks to have a money plan, then hit a bump in the road! but yes, you do still have a job and that is good!

    (and i'm still chuckling over the poopin' rainbows line... hehe.)

  2. Oy. I'm really sorry about the pay-cut and about the unfortunate merger of your company. I can empathize with feeling like you've been stabbed in the heart. Last year, the FI and I had to put wedding bells on hold because I was cut back part-time temporarily.

    On the upside, you still have your job (yay!) and you win the award in my book for most eloquently written angry post. Pooping rainbows? Greasy paper sack? Genius.

    Hang in there, hope you feel better tomorrow.

  3. We all have those days. You seem to have a great job in design and you get to go to super cool places. Tomorrow will be a better day. Or the day after that.

    I hear you though. Timing sucks. I am a jobless MBA RE-planning my wedding in now 3 months. But I've learned so much in the past few weeks and am glad that ladies like you can inspire me. *Hugs*

  4. ugh! so sorry to hear! what awful timing, when you're in the middle of planning your wedding. i know what you mean: those fat cats who have plundered our social safety nets and our economy are sitting pretty while ordinary folks are struggling. really awful. deep breath... tomorrow is another day. hang in there!

  5. Oh the rainbows! lol! Things will look up soon as some of these companies are realizing they can skim more off the top, reward more on the bottom and still stay in business plus-sided. You'll be back to blissfully waxing poetic about wedding favors and menu items quicker than you know! Good Luck!

  6. I love your last few lines there. Try to keep up the positive side of things. I was laid off myself in the fall and I understand. I don't really know you but I'll be praying for your situation.

    Rhonda Hendricks
    (Joe Hendricks Photography)

  7. Completely unrelated to your post- I just added you tonight on my Nashville bloggers links. I thought I added you last week and I'm pretty sure I told you I did. Sorry about that!

  8. Oh, Cousin. That's such a bummer. I don't know quite what to say, so I'll just say again what a good writer you are. I'm so glad you're found this outlet in order to share your talent. One of your many talents.

  9. Thanks for the support everyone. We might have to make some unpleasant decisions in terms of the wedding, as well as tighten our belts even more (how? where?). We'll figure it out though. Things look bleak now and I'm still working through the anger, but we'll figure it out.

  10. I'm sorry about this, but you are right, you are lucky to still be employed, but that doesn't make it hurt any less! I hope your anger will subside... and it'll all work out in the end (totally useless but true).


  11. Actually, you should blame Clinton for the mortgage crisis and subsequent financial snafu. ;-)

    Don't fret, my pet....things have a way of working themselves out, even in the hardest of times. Where there's a will, there's a way. And if nothing else, having an outlet to share your pain can help clear your head and motivate you. I can bring my iPod to the wedding, and some cases of Beast Light....think of the cost savings!!! lol